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I was tense all the way home, and my jaw ached from being clamped as I tried not to think about my immediate future. I didn’t even begin to relax until I got into my beautiful red brick Federal-style house in Brooklyn Heights, a couple of minutes from The Promenade and the breathtaking view back to Manhattan across the East River. Then I slumped into my favorite armchair and stared at the wall. I was still there four hours later when Lisa arrived home, to find me in darkness. She was. I wanted my first time to be special, and all the guys I dated were just too lame.Still, I was horny as hell. I masturbated all the time, in the morning, after school, at night, I even locked myself in a plane bathroom and fingered myself. I became obsessed with cumming, it just felt so good. I would go online read a nasty story, get all wet, and then lie on my stomach on my bed, and hump my right hand...Still, there was something missing...namely a cock.My parents sent my best friend and I on. I hunger to be held and kissed by black men.This was my reward for the pleasure I was about to bring them.Sometimes we'd return and I'd hear whispered talk with the expression "never happen".A kiss and a quickie doesn't make a guy a HOMO.I've heard that expression from many of my black lovers friends over the years.Then,quite suddenly,they'd contact me and wonder if they can come over to talk.If I liked them,I'd invite them over.They did want to be assured that they'd be meeting me as a woman. ..all is not lost, for hope lives on in a favorabletime. Come do not weep for the dead. No amount of tears can bring themback. There is nothing for us here anymore...quickly."It was hard for me to gaze upon her majesty. The shame would not allow meto look her in the eye, for at this time I feel downcast. Yet I foundmyself rising to my feet. I followed in her path."Antimache you are very loyal and I know you fought valiantly but I needyou to find the spirit to pull yourself together. I can.
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